This week we were asked to observe communication
between an adult and a young child.
While in Walmart waiting an extremely line check-out line, I decided to
take this opportunity to complete this week’s observation assignment. A mother and a child who was no more than
three years old was ahead of me in the check-out line. The mother seemed very agitated because the
child keep taking items off of the rack near the check-out line and throwing
them in the cart. After constantly
telling the child no, and taking the thrown items out of the cart, the child
began to scream and told her mother, “I want my daddy”. The mother tried reasoning with the child to
no avail, as the child continue to throw items into the cart and continued to
ignore her mother’s response of No. When
the mother finally reached the cashier and began taking her items out of the
cart, the child began screaming and hitting her mother in the chest. The mother tried to hold the child’s arms
while attempting to unload her cart at the same time. After several minutes of
watching this scene between the mother and child, I found myself feeling sorry
for the mother as another women immediately behind her offered to hold the
child while she unload her cart only to refuse her help and struggled to resist
the swinging child hands while unloading her cart.
Finally after paying the cashier and pushing the cart
out the door. The mother yells at the
child saying, wait until your father hears about how you’ve behaved.
In this particular scene it was hard to determine who the
parent was, and who the child was.
Because the child clearly was use too getting her way. The mother showed no type of meaningful
communication with the child other than saying “no, no, no, no” to the
child. Instead of trying to communicate
to the child that it’s not nice to try to hit mommy, or maybe say to child “you
wouldn’t like it if mommy hit you in the chest, would you?” Maybe, if the mother took just a few moment
prior to reaching the cashier to communicate to the child that what she is
doing is not good and that good little girls don’t behave that way. Instead she showed no emotions or any attempt
to communicate with the child. Children
sometimes act out to receive attention from a parent who they feel is
neglecting them.
Hello Sandra,
ReplyDeleteI have seen this scenario so many times in stores, it is very common for a child to act out so to speak, and the child calls out for the other parent when the current parent is trying to discipline them. Children feed off of adult's frustrations. I know it can be hard and difficult at times, but when you are calm, children are calm. I have learned this week that children need to feel that adults respect their feelings and understand that they need to be listened to as well. I agree that if a child feels neglected, they will act out to seek attention, regardless if it is positive or negative attention. Have you ever been in this situation when teaching children? if so, what did you do to make the situation a calm one? Great post, Sandra!
Hi Sandra, how many times have we seen this before and not just at Walmart??? Like you said there was no communication taking place between the mother and the child. The child was obviously trying to communicate many things to the mother and the mother was not responding effectively. A power struggle was created due to lack of communication. As parents and educators we need to take time to truly listen and figure out what children are communicating to us (Stephenson, 2009). This mother was being very reactive towards the child's behavior which was then creating a power struggle. You could see the level of frustration increasing for both the child and the parent as what they were both trying to communicate was not being listened to. Lisa Kolbeck explained that it is important that we don't close children off with our assumptions (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011). The mother may have assumed that the child was just displaying disruptive behavior, but in reality she may have been trying to communicate something to her mother.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I too felt bad for the mother, but I also felt bad for the child as now the mother has created stress for the child when the mother said, "Wait until your father hears about how you've behaved!" Now look at what the mother communicated to the child!
Thank you for sharing your Walmart experience!!!! :)
Take care,
Stephanie
References
Laureate Education, Inc. (2011). Strategies for working with diverse children: Communicating with young children. Baltimore, MD: Author
Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90-95. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database. http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=37131016&site=ehost-live&scope=site
Sandra,
ReplyDeleteWhat a candid experience. I think we've all seen this situation in action. Of course we know that keeping a calm demeanor is the ultimate goal, but we are only human. Children know that they can "get us" and that sounds like what happened here. It would be interesting to see that same family again in another situation to see if this is common, or how it would be handled in another situation.
Great post!!
Mitchell
Sandra:
ReplyDeleteThis scenario is too often seen and I believe some parents feel their hands are tied because if they were to correct this child’s behavior someone might report them to CPS or the authorities. I am glad my children are older and I don’t have to second guess whether or not there is a need to correct this behavior out of public eye. Times have really changed because I can remember wherever I acted up or misbehave that is the exact place my mother would enforce her corrective action plan. Sometimes I want to help parents but I don’t want to over step my boundaries.
Great post!
Roslyn
Sandra,
ReplyDeleteI cannot name the number of times I have witnessed this in a public setting. There are many parents that do not pay attention to the cues that their child gives them. Some children are just dying for the attention of their parents and being ignored causes them to act out even more. I do not have this problem out of my child, but my mother does when she keeps her, although this is not that my child does not get attention, i think it is just that my mother gives her whatever it is that she wants and if she does not get it she will fall out and make a scene. Furthermore, I do not have this problem with my daughter, she understands that she must be respectful, that type of communication needs to be established with her grandmother and all shall be in order.