Conflict Resolution

Until the recent death of my father in law my husband and his siblings had a huge disagreement about whether or not to place their father in a nursing home due to his illness.  Their father had Alzheimer, he was in the final stages of the disease where he no longer recognized several of the family members.  There are ten siblings, seven of the brothers thought it best to place the dad in a nursing home, believing that it would be in the best interest of the Dad and would help their mother being that she was the primary caretaker, on the other hand the other three siblings believed that it would best to leave the dad in his familiar surroundings and try to make him as comfortable as possible.  They suggested home health care which would alleviate the fatigue and stress that the mother was enduring by being the primary caretaker.  The sibling constantly disagreed about this matter until several of them did not want to speak to one another.  I suggested to my husband that maybe they could have the mother and father move-in with one of the siblings that lived next door to the mom and dad’s home, that way the dad would be close enough to his home and he could still sit out in his garage like he did everyday as well as walk around in the yard.  At the same time the mother would have around the clock help while living with her son and his wife.  Also, each one of the siblings could assist the dad at night by getting him washed-up and put to bed.  And perhaps since its ten siblings they all could rotate shifts to help care for the Dad.  This was a win/win resolution because the Dad did not have to be placed in a nursing home and at the same time would receive around the clock care for those who loved him.  This arrangement worked until his death last week.  But at least the family was able to make his last days comfortable by being around family.